You must be 18+ to view this content

Tales of Onyx (On Hiatus) may contain content you must be 18+ to view.

Are you 18 years of age or older?

or Return to itch.io

Improvements before Chapter Two


Hi readers!

Based on the analytics it does look like we're faring well so far! Now is the time to tell us what you thought of the story so far, we would be pleased to learn from you all. We always have a room for improvements, that would be why I need more time on Chapter Two (only IF we get feedback from the readers on what we need to improve). Otherwise, I will continue to work on Chapter Two while Gabe create several new characters. Please feel free to give us heads up on what improvements are necessary. ^_^

On a lovely note, I've been drawing up several backgrounds to be used for Chapter Two. Here is a sneak peek of one background, the central park of Lavendas City!

Thank you all for reading our story, we genuinely hope you had fun reading! Donations/Patreon will be greatly appreciated and it will go to Gabe who is our current artist of this VN.

Get Tales of Onyx (On Hiatus)

Download NowName your own price

Comments

Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.

(+2)

This is an interesting VN! > SPOILERS BELOW

I think the premise is cool, but the execution could be better. I'm not really a writer but it feels like the story had quite a few cool moments that the MC just answers with "oh ok". "Oh cool, my guardian is a wolf", "oh cool i'm now my fursona". List goes on. Now that might be because he's a non feeling alcoholic but it's one of those things you have to really drive home as a writer, otherwise we won't get it. But it has to be shown in a way that isn't preachy.. I guess that's one of difficulties of writing.

Mc also being a furry might be a bit too real, and while realistic and relatable, not exactly benefiting the fantasy you know? You play an isekai to escape horrible reality, not to be reminded of it.

I also felt it was kinda weird for the guardian to isekai the mc after 20 or so years. He probably has a reason and might be lying a bit.

Grammar is fine, art is decent (although would attract way more people if it was a bit better).

Also I think the link to patreon is missing.

All in all, has potential, interesting premise but lacks polish in both art and storytelling department to shine.

(+1)

Thank you so much!! Hearing that from you I will review the Chapter One to revise some writing styles regarding these moments (and into the future!) to bring more feelings into it.

Escaping from the miserable world is one thing, indeed. I'm not sure what you meant by "it", I'll safely assume it is the world that MC used to be from. If that is the case, then it is due to MC's experience he endured. I actually improved Chapter One just a day ago based on Phamyne's feedback- we'll get to see more depth with his trauma and how bad memories can haunt you into the future. I could explain more but it would spoil one of the major arcs in this VN!

In that range of 16 years with Guardian, I expect the readers to assume that he might have a reason (Lying? Grooming MC? Ulterior motive?). For you to say that, this reassures me that it is working as I wanted! I'm glad.  This is also one of the major arcs in this VN. We will learn as the story goes on. ^_^

Majority of the backgrounds are actually done by me, I admit that I know it is sub-par. I wanted Gabe to focus on the sprites and illustrations. He did some backgrounds that I was unable to draw haha! That would explain the differences between his art style to mine. At some point when there is free time, Gabe will be able to upgrade the backgrounds (Ones that I drew). We can expect this will get better in the future.

Link to our Patreon can be found by clicking on my username, but I see what you meant- I should have post that link directly on the front page.

I really appreciate your feedback soooo much!! :D

(+1)

No problem. I like to give feedback when I feel there's something off and I can pinpoint it at least. 

Good luck!